Balance

I feel like I am always at the middle.

Like I’m supposed to be good

and bad.

While everyone’s doing their best,

I am doing what makes me happy

and what makes me tired.

I feel like I am always at the middle.

Everything’s like left and right,

positive and negative.

And yet, I have to choose.

But I can’t. 

I feel like I am always at the middle,

where everyone can’t stay forever,

even I,

and yet I wanted to.

Done with Chuck Palahniuk’s Rant and now it’s time for John Green’s paper town!

Thanks to my best friend for lending me this in exchange to my Eleanor and Park y Rainbow Rowell.

It’s times like this when reading or watching tv series would be so great. But before I read, I would like to have some bonding time with my bro’s ukulele first.

That’s a quote from my planner for this week and a thought came into me saying “I need this”.

I saw this post again from this someone whom I kind of forgot already because I wanted to because I think that is the right thing and healthy thing to do but seeing those posted-on-social-media thing made some thoughts flashback in my mind. 

And I hate it.

Envy, jealousy and irritation makes my inner self wanted to scream or throw the gadget I am holding while looking to that certain post. And from there, I am back again from being the not-so-good-lala side of me.

Then I saw this on my planner. I’ve tons of struggles during the past months(even before grad) and right now, they’re all gone and with that one post, it’s going to ruin everything positive I’ve earned for making myself feel better. And yes, with that one post, I am reliving those bad memories and bad attitudes I had and I know it will ruin the insides of me if I don’t let it go off my mind.

It’s quite hard to forget something especially when you’ve been carrying it for years but it is better to remember the struggles you had experienced just to let it all go.

Feels refreshing and fulfilling.

First - Season 2

Touched.

Shocked.

Crushed.

Reality hit me, once again, again, again and again. I really thought that I wouldn’t experience reading this but I guess, part of everyone’s life is asking for someone’s time, even just a little part of it.

And I’m reading it, over and over again.

amvdeguzman:

Old and rough

amvdeguzman:

Old and rough

The very first week of August

Since I need to sleep already in a few minutes, I’ll just drop the happenings in my life this first week of August in my another favorite manner, through bullets.

  • Cinemalaya dreams….remained as ‘Cinemalaya dreams’. And I was like, WTHeck.
  • Come first monday of the month, my first day of work. Real corporate world work. 
  • 'Sabak agad' is the word that would come in my mind whenever I would think about those first two days of work. But it's okay, it came out positively and still hoping and praying to continue the positive vibes… forever. 
  • First friday of the month - excited to be home and sleep until 10 am of Saturday and watch Penn & Teller’s bullshit at night.
  • Attended mass in the morning and went home finding out my cousin from Bicol’s here to visit us and my lola and my japanese cousins. Great day it is!
  • Tonight, searching for some knowledge about terms and all and preparing for tomorrows work again. 

I hope I could do this every week. I think it would really be hard for me now to post every now and then about something I want to share but I hope I could find time in doing it… as well as reading. I miss reading.

Great find at National bookstore for only 150 php and Booksale 60php and 10php.

The Happiness Project

If you’re reading my blog or even following me on my Instagram account, you’d already probably know that I’ve been reading this since the month of May, and hooray! I just finished reading it this afternoon, in my lavender room while it’s raining outside.

Since I first saw this book on the bookstore, I really wanted to buy this as soon as I have the money for it, but during those times, my priority back then was to save, save and save and I don’t know exactly why. Maybe I just like the thought of knowing that you’ve saved for something even though you didn’t even know where to use it yet.

Anyways, I got the chance to buy it and started reading it as soon as I got home. Even though I’ve just started reading on the first month which is January, I really liked the book already. It feels like I can really connect with what Getchen’s discussing about the topic. and this went on and on up to the month of November. The December part was like the summary of the resolutions she made and would like to continue doing for the rest of her life.

Though I felt that she wanted to be perfect for some of the months (and maybe I was really influenced by the blog that reviewed this book negatively) but at the end of the day, as I analyse what I really felt upon reading the book, it gave me an “okay” hand sign.

Reading this book made me realize a lot of things and somehow guided me but I will not follow all the advice she gave, well, of course, searching for happiness is also ‘trial and error’ and you can never always trust what others says to you. Of course, you must also know whether a certain thing or resolution would actually work for you.

Yay! Thinking that I really finished it makes me happy and I would really like to start my own happiness project, and that surely will come on to this blog as soon as I have a concrete plan already. 

Anyways, I’ll bid my goodbye to you dear The Happiness Project and I’ll be welcoming Rant by Chuck Palahniuk.

amvdeguzman:

Photo by amvdeguzman

amvdeguzman:

Photo by amvdeguzman

"Bad news never had good timing"

I feel ashamed of what will happen on Sunday. It was all planned and yet all the planned things and promises always meant to be broken. It is made to happen or made to be broken - that’s what we all have to expect about those two. 

I’m trying really hard to pull us up from this downfall, I would say. I just want this to be okay, not the otherwise. I don’t want it to be perfect, just be as good as all couples would do. But heck, where’s this broken piece of pure shit playing around us and making “us” cruel and angry with each other? BS.

I really don’t want to write this  as a matter of fact, but writing is one of the things that comforts me. And I need this even though I know I am not a person who shares my love relationship in the public, but I just need this now.

I’m just so sad and really wanted to cry and hide in my room right now but I can’t, we need to go to the airport later. Right now, I don’t want to think any solution anymore, I just got so tired in putting everything we have into a neat shelf, clean it everyday, throw the scratch papers and read good memories. I just don’t know what to do or feel right now.

I feel ashamed or embarrassed or whatever right word that describes a person being shy because of having too many troubles to other people. I just don’t want to think anymore and hope for nothing. I want to be away from the people I know. 

I want to let go but I can’t and I don’t know why. They said if you still have hope for a person, you love them.

This is just so bad I have to write.

The Heart of Life by John Mayer