Photo by amvdeguzman
"Bad news never had good timing"
I feel ashamed of what will happen on Sunday. It was all planned and yet all the planned things and promises always meant to be broken. It is made to happen or made to be broken - that’s what we all have to expect about those two.
I’m trying really hard to pull us up from this downfall, I would say. I just want this to be okay, not the otherwise. I don’t want it to be perfect, just be as good as all couples would do. But heck, where’s this broken piece of pure shit playing around us and making “us” cruel and angry with each other? BS.
I really don’t want to write this as a matter of fact, but writing is one of the things that comforts me. And I need this even though I know I am not a person who shares my love relationship in the public, but I just need this now.
I’m just so sad and really wanted to cry and hide in my room right now but I can’t, we need to go to the airport later. Right now, I don’t want to think any solution anymore, I just got so tired in putting everything we have into a neat shelf, clean it everyday, throw the scratch papers and read good memories. I just don’t know what to do or feel right now.
I feel ashamed or embarrassed or whatever right word that describes a person being shy because of having too many troubles to other people. I just don’t want to think anymore and hope for nothing. I want to be away from the people I know.
I want to let go but I can’t and I don’t know why. They said if you still have hope for a person, you love them.
This is just so bad I have to write.
The Heart of Life by John Mayer
As you may have known, I’ve been reading the book The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin for 3 months now and I am currently at chapter 9 which is the month of October that tackles about Mindfulness. Though I have read one blog reviewing this book negatively, I’ve decided to finish this book no matter what and because I’m only 2 months/chapters away to finishing this.
On that blog, she said that it was all about being perfect and all in all the things and aspects that concerns your life. Well, as I was reading that book review, I suddenly realized what she said might be true. I realized that maybe for Gretchen Rubin, happiness will come to your life naturally if you do what you think is right and you do it correctly as well. Be prefect, that is. But as for me, it is okay. Maybe because a person so close to me said that I am a ‘perfectionist’ and I completely disagree with it. Why? not because I correct wrong things doesn’t make me a perfectionist. I know nobody’s perfect and I know I am not but all I know is that I want everything, as much as possible to be organized. And being said that I am a perfectionist, maybe I just felt the connection between me and what Gretchen Rubin wrote on the book. And reading the book and agreeing with what she said doesn’t mean that I will completely follow all of the advice that she gave, but instead, I’ll take it as a wake-up call.
One of the things that got stock on my mind was written on chapter 1 on the month of January which is about boosting energy. And one of her advice is to go cleaning. And I did… in my room.
The stack of books I currently have. I’ll be needing a bigger shelf… soon.
My FEU Advocate newspapers and specials from 2010-2014! hoorah! It’s heavy! really heavy!
My analog love photo wall. Unfortunately, I’ve stopped buying films for I don’t know elsewhere can I buy cheap films (even expired would do) except Quiapo. I miss analog love.
Yep, that’s me. meh.
And yes, Maintaining is next to Cleaning.
I just realized that it is true, as for me. All I want is for, as much as possible, everything would be organized and to do that, you have to do so much cleaning and maintaining as well. And maintaining is the hardest part.
P.S. That dirt on my hand is a black dye for hair (for my grandmother) and yes, my room is in color lavender.
First of all, I hope no one could actually read this thing i’m about to write from the people I know and really close with, including family and relatives.
Right now I want to run into a field, rice field maybe in particular or corn fields would do better I think. Run as fast as I could and then slow as I would want to and let the heat of the sun strike me until I have no choice but to stop for an hour or so to drink some water and lay down on a clear space.
I will wait for the sun to set or if I am not a lucky girl to see that beautiful golden hour, and instead, the clouds will get darker soon to fall water, I will still be glad to hug those raindrops that will fall on me.
I want that kind of fun, now.
Serenity and Stupidity at its finest.
Happy Twenty Season Two
Nothing special though.
But I’m happy we got to attend the mass at UP.
I’ll be hoping and praying for better years to come.
Cheers to you my love, hope you read this!
P.S. I will not write any ‘sorry’ and ‘thank you’ here for you might have read it already(or not) in that blue small booklet i gave.
I feel suffocated staying inside and feel unsafe going outside.
Where should I be now?
Anonymous asked: I MISS YOU!
And now I know why but I’m really trying my best not to.
And in my defense, I only want what’s right and what I think is best.
Is that a perfectionist?